Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Hordes of singles are looking for their zivug, actually waiting is a better term as actively looking is frowned upon in chareidi and most MO circles.
I think I’ve mentioned a few time that I never tire of trying.
Although hundreds (slightly inflated number) of suggestions I made were either completely ignored or torn apart, even though I had people indignantly slam the phone in my face, even though it cost me a friendship, I still try to come up with sound ideas and “redt” them.
It’s not a job to me, I do not spend half the day writing names on a blank paper and draw arrows, it happens when I see someone on the street or hear someone’s name come up in a conversation.
Then, sometimes, a click goes off in my head and I try to act on it as soon as I get a chance..
It’s not a lot of effort either. If I know the people I can make the suggestion myself, and when I’m not familiar with either the boy or the girl I pass it on to our local and very experienced Shadchan.
Yet when I talk to married friends, who I know have cousins and friends all over the world, I’m surprised to find out that only very few of them make any effort to find matches for their single friends and relatives.
Excuses vary from ‘they’re too picky’ to ‘she’ll never agree.’
If I had a dime for each couple that got engaged of which no one thought either the boy or the girl’s side would ever agree to it, I’d had a lot more dimes than I do now.
It’s everyone responsibility, everyone has a few minutes to make a phone call, everyone knows single people who honestly want to get married.
And if you can’t find anyone, you can still daven to H’Ashem to help them.
Have you ever made a Shidduch?
Thanks for adding it.
Right after I got married I was listening to tape on marriage by R. Akiva Tatz. He made a great point that my wife will never forget. He claims that every woman gets married knowing all about her husbands' faults and weeknesses. Even with this knowledge, she marries him. If my wife can marry me (knowing who I am and my faults) then why are some singles so picky?
Nevertheless kol hakavod for thinking of others.
Neil-One is a start.
I think Too Picky is just a façade hiding fear.
Fear of making a mistake, fear of passing on something better etc…
I’ve once heard that it’s ok to be pushy, in moderation but pushy.
i guess there are those who are unwilling to help others split the sea; and then of course ther are those who, when it has been split, are too afraid to jump in.
my finding this awesome blog was definitely "bashert"!!!
(And we don't even try all that often - just when we think it's a very good idea.)
Good for you, Prag! I didn't know men thought much about this kind of thing- it's nice to know some do :-)
people dont realize that as you get older you also gain understanding, awareness, a keener sense of perception.. now try dating with all that added "awereness".
the rules that apply to dating at 20 cant be applied to those dating at 30, and if someone cant appreciate that, they probbaly shouldnt be making suggestions..
and with that being said..
thank you prag for that post, very encouraging to hear people speak this way :)
Jakeology-welcome to my blog thanks for stopping by;
It’s indeed very difficult and that’s why many don’t even bother or just can’t take it anymore.
Ezzie-kol hakavod, except for professional Shadchanim, 2 is a nice score.
RR-Well we do when our single friends start to nag us too much,:)
Just joking, the idea is that often a women will have a friend and her husband a cousin etc,,
Theoretically an effective way to work.
LVNSM-it’s partly our responsibility too.
Stacey-It should, well done Stacey!
Was on of them “Hollands”?:)
Mookie-I agree with the picky part but I disagree with the shouldn’t be making suggestions at all part.
An idea is an idea, and it’s part of the Shadchan’s job to get frustrated when the singles are ‘picky’ or hesitant.
David- From shul? Work? Neighborhood? Cousins? None?
(on behalf of all my single and eligible friends)
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