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Friday, February 17, 2006

 

HUMOR BEFORE THE WEEKEND

Actual Sentences Found on Patients' Hospital Charts (Proves that those medical folks are right on top of things. When you're pushed for time, it is so easy to write a note and not take the time to reread and correct.)

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states that she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Comments:
very cute!
 
cute.... great way to start the weekend. thanks.
 
LMHO

***SHABBAT SHALOM***

lotsa luv ann xxxxx
 
Wow those are really funny and really sad at the same time!
 
These are hilarious, thanks
 
These gave me a good laugh! Thank you...I praticularly like the one about the knee disappearing.
 
thanks for the humor-this si a bit spicy for u!
tell me how did u meet that Greek blogger-she seems interesting
 
Great humor :) Smiling from ear to ear.
Blog ya later.
 
Where do you find such great humor peices? They definitely brought a smile to my face!
 
Hi all,I'm glad you enjoyed it, to answer your question,dating virgin, I get them by email, friends send me some stuff, most of of which is deleted immediately, once in awhile a relly good one appears and then I post it here.
 
Prag - I liked # 20. These are cute. I have a list of things said by air traffic controllers that I might post soon. I just posted some good blonde jokes.
 
These are amazingly funny LOL
scary too :)
 
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